Saturday, 22 October 2011

Reason V. Writer

Reason Says: Although I love writing and I am sufficiently talented at this pursuit, the time will come when I need to work in Clarks.

Writer Says: There is nothing more important than words on paper (or screens). Civilisation would not be civilisation without the ordered assemblage of thoughts turned into words turned into books. Clarks can go and stick a pound of sausages up its rump.

Reason Says: There is no money in writing unless you are a superhuman talent with a criminal work ethic.

Writer Says: Money is the reason we inhabit a boring capitalist hellhole where poo-scoopers have a higher income than visionary artists. I would rather starve in a garret scraping the final bean from the tin than compromise my integrity by writing corporate bullshit.

Reason Says: You are young. See if you say that in five years’ time.

Writer Says: In five years’ time I will have starved to death through lack of income from my writing. I win.

Reason Says: You are not good enough, plain and simple. The benchmark for professional publication is too high, and you won’t ever reach that benchmark through lack of talent or skill.

Writer Says: Fuck off.

Reason Says: Life is too precious to be thrown away writing books no one will ever read.

Writer Says: Life is not precious. This is why people read books.

Reason Says: Why do people need to read novels anymore when they have round-the-clock access to online games, programmes, music?

Writer Says: All of the above are nothing without good writing. People read novels because the other forms offer little intellectual engagement or lead to unsatisfiable cravings for more entertainment that result in brain meltdowns.

Reason Says: What would make you stop writing?

Writer Says: A nuclear explosion. Or similar.

Reason Says: Society thinks you’re an idiot.

Writer Says: Society is beneath my dignity.


  1. The writer said "Life is not precious?" Hmmmm. I disagree and, indeed, it is the preciousness of life that compels me to write.

  2. I'm of two minds on the "life is precious" quote. It is precious to me because I love life and don't ever want it to end. But I see all around me how so many others do not view life as precious, especially the lives of others. That said, this was quite funny :) esp. the "money is the reason we inhabit a boring capitalist hellhole..."

  3. gamefaced: ta muchly!

    MM: It's great that you think that. If you could dish out a little of that optimism, I'd be grateful.

    MsH: I don't want to give the impression I'm a doom merchant or anything, I get by and have some laughs. And I agree, the lives of others are always more fun than your own. (I mean that both in the jealous sense and the happy sense). Life as a concept I'm still not sold on. Give me a few years.