Thursday, 3 November 2011

Ten Reasons We Ignore Long Blog Posts

  1. If we met you in a bar, we’d do everything possible to wriggle off your tongue.
  2. Marmite.
  3. We only comment so others comment on our blogs.
  4. Marmite.
  5. Our attention span on the net is so short.
  6. We need bullet points.
  7. And.
  8. Shortness.
  9. So we can get to the end sooner.
  10. That’s why people like flash fiction.
  11. Even though.
  12. Flash fiction is bullshit.
  13. Hemingway?
  14. Don’t quote baby shoes at me, baby.
  15. What if they were simply a pair of unused baby shoes?
  16. I don’t want to believe.
  17. They had a miscarriage.
  18. Or the baby died postpartum.
  19. No.
  20. It was leftover stock.
  21. So shut it, Hemingway.
  22. I hate flash fiction.
  23. Unless it’s good.
  24. Or written by my friends.
  25. Then I love flash fiction.
  26. Where was I?
  27. Long posts.
  28. No one likes.
  29. To.
  30. Read.
  31. Long.
  32. Posts.
  33. But.
  34. This.
  35. Choppy.
  36. Bullet.
  37. Approach.
  38. Is.
  39. Equally.
  40. Annoying.
  41. Marmite.
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12 comments:

  1. Jessica Bell3 November 2011 at 18:33

    Um ... no! Vegemite, matey! ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hart Johnson3 November 2011 at 19:28

    *giggles* Can I confess I'm afraid of marmite? I base this fear on once having tried vegemite. If you invite an Australian to your house, sometimes they bring some. Don't say I didn't warn you.

    Marmots on the other had, look quite cute. I could have one of those. But I woudln't eat it.

    See, I can't even leave a short comment. And you're asking me to write a short BLOG post?

    ReplyDelete
  3. M.J. Nicholls3 November 2011 at 21:09

    I hate Marmite. Or do I love it? The two are interchangeable in Marmite world. I only read half of my own post.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I Must Be Off3 November 2011 at 21:34

    I love Marmite. Flash fiction is actually very much like Marmite. You just need a little bit with butter on toast. Too much, and you just have an icky, salty mess. I especially like the faces people make after they eat flash fiction--like they were expecting chocolate but got dog poo.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I Must Be Off3 November 2011 at 21:35

    And, oh yes, please comment on my latest blog post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dr. Mohamed3 November 2011 at 21:45

    You hit the nail right on the head...41 times.

    ReplyDelete
  7. mshatch3 November 2011 at 22:05

    what is marmite? I thought it was some sort of flooring...guess not!

    sometimes shorter is better :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. M.J. Nicholls4 November 2011 at 11:29

    Chris: Ha. And ha. And done.

    Mohamed: Marmite!

    MsHatch: My girlfriend says: "It's like a sort of salty concentrated meat paste, except it's made of yeast extract. Like a salty brown sauce. Kind of like Bovril as well. Like beef tea. If you dilute it in water."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous11 November 2011 at 12:41

    I apologise for inflicting you with long posts then ;> - Chris (in case I become ananimus)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous11 November 2011 at 12:42

    Err.

    Afflicting, I mean.

    I am awake.

    Honestly.

    I will go.

    Now.

    Marmite.

    ReplyDelete
  11. M.J. Nicholls11 November 2011 at 14:03

    Your points don't count cause they're so much fun. Marmite!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous23 November 2011 at 09:53

    I have some baby shoes that I never wore. Bloody things were twenty sizes too small, but I had to buy them anyway, because it was a HUGE sale. Maybe some day my feet will shrink?

    ReplyDelete

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