Saturday, 19 September 2009

Blog Etiquette with Janis Der Von Füberünter

Hallo, fish-tickling European blog visitor! I write the blogs, as I am sure you do too, ja? Over the next four chocks, I will guide you through the bumps and belches of the blogging world, and will share with you my Klugheit (intelligence) and Unterwäsche (knowledge) on the blogging scene!

1. Arrival on the blogging scene.

So, you have chosen to write a blog. Congratulations. Now… it is your task to offer something NEW to the lacklustre world of confessional blather, self-promoting über-tedium and amusing pictures of gurning kittens. Use your words, ja? Wield those words like a pirate on Vaseline! We have a saying in my hometown: Ich bin ein Arsch (the word is sacred).

2. Make blogging acquainti and read their bloggings.

So… you expect ten comments on your first post, ja? Nein! You must network. Sample the giblets of another blogger’s effort. The most loyal blogging friends are those who read your work in return on a regular basis and spread the news of your blogging snippets. Test blogging buddies! Dump those who ignore you! You will find your friends, do not worry!

3. Be friendly.

Fill your page will smiling kittens! Write amusing kibbles of thought and spurt your brain lard about the place, making sure to invite feedback! You don’t want Fräulein Der Von Füberünter to come and spank your plank, nein? Do not set your comments to the ‘approval only’ option! It makes you look like a llama licking his own anus with his tongue. Invite all comment!

4. You are not interesting!

Remember this! Give the reader something to work with, ja? We do not want to know about the size of your underpants. When you write about you, make it über-giggletime and leave scope for a dialogue. We do not care how brilliant you are! Never make your reader feel inadequate! You perp.

Thus concludes Fräulein Der Von Füberünter’s blog squirming. I invite feedback, but I will neither goose your chickens, nor essen Sie Ihre Penis (take care of your children’s socks).

Danke, word-spankers.


  1. Excellent advice from Fr. Dr. Der Von Füberünter! She can spank my plank anytime.

  2. Let's see....vaseline on the keyboard... tickle the ego-fancies of others... type with a smile... accept defeat or is that da feet? You stay away from my chickens! (and if you can't, please use vaseline.)

  3. Janis Der Von Füberünter21 September 2009 at 17:13

    Danke, gentlemen. I will be shpankin' your plankins very soon. And lubing your poultry too.

  4. BUWAHAHAHAHAHA! I fell off my chair. So much good advice, I don't know where to begin. I suppose with a fish schlap...

  5. "spurt your brain lard" - yah, danka! Now we know what noggin sie est thinking with...

  6. I didn't even invite Janis to spurt on my blog. She auto-spurted. Still, what a pleasant spurt it was.