Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Return of the Mark

Tomorrow I start Year Two of my MA Course at Edinburgh Napier. I have compiled a list of things I want to achieve:

1. Get into a violent, bloody brawl with a co-student over a minor difference of opinion on Bakhtin.

2. Sit on each of the chairs in both classrooms, 218 & 219. I suspect some are spongier than others.

3. Read one graphic novel. Like, the whole way through.

4. Use the word ‘encephalitic’ in casual conversation without anyone noticing.

5. Punch someone in the toilets and steal their lunch money.

6. Bring a tramp into class and hide him under the table.

7. Tell someone my favourite living novelist is Mark Morrison (criminal rap artiste), and see if they flinch.

8. Invent books. Last year I told someone "Winter Wooksie" was one of my favourite novels, when it is in fact no such thing. (B-side by Belle & Sebastian, in fact).

9. Leave a cabbage lying around somewhere.

10. Lick a wall.

I am looking forward to my return. The course I’ll be doing will involve a stricter writing discipline, and I have to confess the phrase ‘strict discipline’ turns me on a little, so this could be (sadomasochistically, at least) a terrific year.


  1. That is a fabultantalistix collection of hats. I must admit I thought the hatness was one of your mind-experiments, and I am pleasantly surprised to now assume I was wrong.

    I would not have called you on Belle&Sebastian, but I do like the song. Titles just don't stick in my mind. I would, not unlike with the hattiness (I'm not agreeing with myself of the appropriate misspelling to employ here), put on a light-beige ironic smile, as to indicate that I am as clever as you and know you are joking and/or not. And then I would have googled it when I came home. If I had remembered the title, that is.

    I wish you another hatty year - with lots of wall licking and cabbage and 'strict discipline'.

  2. So is that actually the entire congregation of Hattists? Three of you, eh? Are you sure you wouldn't rather be a Digressionist? Then again Digressionism is religion, and, as I understand it, the Hattists are a political movement.

    When you are done with that tramp, send him my way. It's quite an admirable list you've made.

  3. My older daughter has often longed to bloody a nose. Just to feel what it's like. Is this higher education at its finest?

  4. More importantly, what're you wearing tomorrow? I vote for hold ups and the tartan mini.

  5. CC: I only said "Winter Wooksie" because, at that moment, I was being prompted to name an example of such-and-such a type of book, and my mind went blank. Fortunately, there are many B&S B-sides to cover my temporary amnesia. And thank you! Much wall-licking ahead!

    Tart: What that picture fails to show are the thousands of adoring hat-wearers cheering and expressing love. Now that Hattism is defunct, I will become a Digressionary Exclamationist Nudifer. Or not.

    Barbaras: Physical violence is usually a sign you've made it in academia. And tartan mini it is. Though I'll have to cut open the sunroof.

  6. Your aims and objectives for year two almost make me wish I was returning to observe you achieving them. Please don't be too hard on Bakhtin.