Thursday, 16 July 2009

The Blog Elves

Oh my, isn’t the world awash with blog cynics!

There are, can you believe it, some bruised souls walking this planet grumbling about no one ever reading their blog. Even their friends. Oh, what fools!

What these people don’t realise is that the Blog Elder in charge of Wordpress and Blogger has a team of six billion literate elves, whose sole purpose in life is to scour the eight trillion or so blogs we write every second of the day, read each word with rapt fascination, and report back the news to the Blog Elder that the writer is an undiscovered genius whose talents stretch vaster than Mt. Olympus.

So how come these elves never comment on your blog? Oh, they comment all right. Among themselves. They discuss your blog endlessly, remarking on the witty observations you make about your work life, your erratic domestic situation, and that award-winning literary fiction you hammer out in between shots of heroin and coffee. They love you, brothers and sisters.

Take note that those people whose blogs are read by thousands are often critical failures among the elves. See, the elves are smart. They know that the only reason we read other people’s blogs is to get other people to read our blogs. No one ever willingly reads someone else’s blog, lest that blog yield riches, fame, promotion or cheap sex with a Dutch schoolgirl.

So join the cult of the lonesome blog. Take refuge in the elves, because they care. If no one reads your blog… you’ve made it. Join the club today. Share your blog with nobody.

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