MONDAY

There should be a guidebook entitled How To Start a Monday. Or, at least, an emergency pamphlet one can refer to when it’s 4PM, you’re still in your pyjamas, and you haven’t done anything yet.

I almost lost my Monday to the vultures of apathy. It was 12PM when the F-E-A-R set in. I awoke at 9.30, went back to sleep for half an hour, then read Nabokov for fifty minutes in bed. Next came a prolonged breakfast, a prolonged e-mail check and a prolonged shower. Gulp. It was 12PM.

So… better get things done. No, I think I’ll have a walk. Perhaps pop to the store and purchase a flavoursome sweet chilli sauce. Oh look, it’s 1PM now. Better get things done.

Oh look! Ella Guru’s Voodoo Kitchen. How entertaining! What a wonderful collection of paintings and sketches. My, isn’t she talented. Oh look! An interview with Zoon Horn Rollo, Captain Beefheart’s finest guitarist. Oh dear. It’s 2PM.

Lunchtime. I know… I shall prepare pasta. I’ll make sure to spend half an hour heating the water and fritter time away with mindless PC war games. Oh, my pasta’s ready! Oh my, that was tasty! It’s 3PM now.

Whoops! I forgot! I’m unemployed and need to look for a job. I’d better search the net and send out some CVs and applications. Oh bugger. It’s 4PM.

TIME TO WRITE, MEATHEAD. TIME TO MOTHERFUCKING WRITE, MEATHEAD.

And I did. 1000 nice words. I like them.

Thank Christ I made it through that Monday. Now, time to prepare for Tuesday (what a bastard).