Thursday, 20 January 2011

Five Paragraphs

Paragraph About MA:

This term abounds in bumper crops of work. I’m hoping to go insane in March and convalesce in October, after graduation. I stopped being so obsessive about grade-hunting last term (because I bombed the assignments), so won’t be so sad to get my low pees this time. I’ll still put in the effort, but this course is about learning how to do things well. Things I have no aptitude for well. This includes making errors and weeping. Fact.

Paragraph About LEVY:

Sometimes you read books that set aspirant benchmarks. One such book is the incredible Billy and Girl by Deborah Levy. The novel hits the highs I aspire to hit one day, building a strange and humorous world around damaged and original characters. It staggered and floored me. And for British people it is easily accessible at the
Devil’s Bookshop.

Paragraph About BLOGGING:

I hate one-sided bloggers who post and then refuse to interact with other bloggers. When people sneer at bloggers I kick them in the face and steal their Ribena. I like to visit and comment on other blogs but I am stuck on a 2004 computer that runs slower than a sleeping Linford Christie. So I do generally read the blogs on my blog roll most weeks, and if there’s no comments, bask in the knowledge I am reading and learning and loving.

Paragraph About STUPIDITY:

I forgot to renew my student card at the start of term. I must be going mad since I swear I read an email about this. There are times when I envy the stupid. I’m hardly an intellectual colossus, but I do know words like colossus, so I’m hardly mixing with the mongs. Having said that, I only befriend idiots. I find I can pour my ideologies into their minds and get them to lift things for me. Failing that, they make neat coffee tables.

Paragraph About PARAGRAPHS:

I grew up respecting the well-placed paragraph break. In Infinite Jest, there are about five paragraph breaks in 1000 pages. There is a term for this sort of torture: paragrapixis. (Try pronouncing that). Foster Wallace was a paragrapixist and Joyce was so scared of spaces he developed agoraphobia by proxy. Paragraph breaks are beautiful things. In terms of pacing and rhythm and structure and style. The whole caboodle. It’s no longer chic to bind words together like twine and print them in 10pt font. Give us room to breathe and laugh and love. That’s all we ask.


  1. Hey. Lately, every time I want to leave a comment on someone's blog, I have to go through four or five steps, confirming and reconfirming my account, pages loading and reloading, and then in the end, my computer (which is also a 2004 vintage museum piece) throws me out. Argh.

  2. Ha. Your blog lets me leave the comment without all the hassle. I love your blog.

  3. Jah, I hate that. I disabled word verification ages ago. It makes me crotchety and liable to abort the comment. Some bloggers disable Anonymous or URL comments. Forcing you to log in. Come on. It's only a blog.

  4. Sorry your term is hard! I think you should really work at mastering mistakes and weeping. They build characters. I have an actual paragraph fetish. When in doubt, start a new paragraph. I just don't have the attention span to keep following if there is no new paragraph.

    I particularly loved your stupidity chapter. Stupid peers are very handy for making us feel smart.

  5. Devil's Bookshop, you say? I'll keep an eye out.
    I take it there are a suitable amount of paragraph breaks in that book, yes?

    I approve of the weak-tea teak, and have given you an award at my blog to prove it.

  6. I'm going to disable word verification and let my readers free. You've inspired me. I'm also going to reply to your email right now. :)

  7. Tart: Yes. The future lies in taking new


    Nicki: The Devil's Bookshop was more a reference to A****n. Thank you for my award! I don't understand what these awards mean, but I like getting them.

    Chris: You don't have word ver on your blog. Last time I checked.

  8. But commas, are they actually necessary?

  9. Mona: The semicolon is the one I want dead. (Don't tell Chris). (Cause he already knows).