You do not understand, darling. You see, I am an artiste. I have spent hours – count them, hours! – formatting the story I have been gracious enough to let you read. So imagine the horror and disgust I feel when, having pored over ten pages of your patronising and aggressive guidelines, I arrive at the submission page to learn that I must PASTE my work into a box!
Have you lost your minds, you decrepit bunnies? Do you know how much my soul SINKS when I am told that submissions with curly inverted commas will be blasted into the stratosphere, or that indents for paragraphs is anathema in your pedantic, self-pleasing realm?
Idiots! You buffoons do not understand how we writers TOIL for our art, how we strive to take our stories beyond the banality of conventional formatting and embrace the creative possibilities of the technology upon which we write. We should not have to pander to your archaic whims! Tish and piddlecock!
On an unrelated and self-glorifying note, my story For the Sake of Argument is in the Spring issue of Twisted Tongue – a PDF and print (glorious print!) magazine of sci-fi and crime larks. Very happy to be included there.
On another unrelated note, why is using Blogger in Mozilla Firefox harder than prising open a can of beans with one’s toenails? I had to use IE8 to post this, which meant logging in AGAIN!!! Curse this infernal life!