Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Letter to Martin Amis

dear Mart,

i was surprised to see u the other day, skulking a-round Boots looking for a suppose-a-Tory. it beholds me to say that u are suffering from some form of anal distress of some kind. my mother once had a large part of Sussex included in her bum for at least five weeks – doctors were bought in to help ex-vacuate the bother-some county and by the end she had the burruh of Blackford in there (witch she decided to keep – lovely people!)

if u do have a county lodged in ur bum, do not panic! here are my mum’s top tips for removal:

1 – reassure the residents that everything’s OK

2 – get some fire trucks with ropes to winch the county out

3 – extricate the last few remaining burrahs (unless u want to keep them)

4 – be happy

i hope u find this a helpfull guide to improving the dis-tress in ur bottom. we all have bums and its important to appreciate the fullness of there potenshall. often having counties in ur bottom can leave u feeling blocked up.

with all the luv in the world,

hurrold pumiscone


  1. This is the third story I've read today involving anal/rectal/chronic gas, etc. All by folks from the British Isles. Did you guys have a national baked bean sale this passed weekend?

  2. Wonderfull. It's grate to here from Hurrold. Tell him I said Hell-O.

  3. hell-O kris and drek. hahaha yes, it is immature of us to do the bottom humour all the time but once in a wile isnt too bad.

    hope u both are well in USA and Germanland resmuctively