Introducing B.V. Olvomov

You get home from a hard day’s work to discover your husband perched atop a CD eating a coconut: B.V. Olvomov.

You’re standing in a brothel, mesmerised by a fat-necked peasant boy gyrating in defiance of the wind: B.V. Olvomov.

You can’t fathom why doctors steal your wallet, so you consult a lawyer who promptly calls you a ninnygoat: B.V. Olvomov.

The Bard of Porkhov is here. Here he comes, armed with his sodium-savaged Quill of the Banjax. Clear the path, Mrs Hollyhox!

He makes his debut here, in Issue 10 of the UK poetry and short story magazine The Delinquent.

B.V. wants to pronounce you. Let him.