Monday, 16 August 2010


I would like to apologise to the following:

1) Bonnie Raitt, for fourteen years sneering at your accessible Grammy-winning C&W stylings.
1) Jem Finer, for considering your contributions to the Pogues of no consequence.
1) Ian Rankin, for using you as a whipping boy on this blog in past posts, when I should have used Iain Banks.
1) Franz Kafka, for finding your prose tedious to the point of despair, and your despair tedious to the point of prose.
1) Don Delillo, for not reading a single word of your books because I hate your name.
1) To all Jennifers, for using the name Jennifer for every female character I write.
1) Don Delillo again, as the more I think about that name, the more irritated I become.
1) My body, for eating that whole bag of marshmallows.
1) Anyone reading this tripe.
1) The inventors of cheese, for finding your product disgusting and reprehensible.


  1. There's worse things than a whole bag of marshmellows.

  2. Apology accepted :D

  3. I don't know this Don Delillo but I don't like him cuz of his name either.

    How dare you slander the name of cheese and it's inventors. I take offense to that. I will have to sick cheeseboy on you now.

    Thanks for joining Just the Cheese. Drop me a comment sometime.

  4. *giggles*

    I just saw Don Delillo and he was crying. He swears he writes better than Kafka and offered to trade names.

  5. Alex: Indeed. Though are marshmellows tastier than marshmallows?

    Jennifer: I'm convinced parents spend months squabbling over the baby's name, than at the last minute blurt out... em... JENNIFER!

    PTD: Yes, maybe you can help me overcome my cheese-hating ways. There's hope.

    Hart: Bah! You just blew my mind.

  6. erhm...I resemble one of those comments.

  7. Thank you. Your appology makes me feel a lot less offended. I wasn't aware I was offended over all those things, but now that I am, it is soothing to know I am less so than before. Also, God told me today that he has two girlfriends. One named Lucy (could it be your Lucy E, I wonder?) and one named Paola or Paula or possibly Paolo.

  8. God is quite obviously gay. Come on.

  9. Well, he DID mention that he likes Mel Gibson...

  10. Actually my dad wanted to call me Esmerelda or Ermentrude. Personally I don't care if Jennifer was a last minute decision, it's better than the alternatives.

  11. Was your dad on the cast of Bewitched? That show was never the same after the second Darren.